Why I Stopped Asking My Kids What They Want to Be When They Grow Up

What makes you lose track of time?

This is what I ask my Beans instead of the traditional 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' Here's why I made the shift.

I used to dread that question, for myself and my kids. For years, I felt like I was so far behind.

I didn't lose my virginity until 22.

I didn't have my first real relationship until then either.

I've never been married.

I had my first child out of wedlock at 34.

And even now, at 43, I sometimes wonder what I'm going to be when I finally "grow up."

The even crazier thing? When I talk to other women — ranging from their 30s to their 70s — they often tell me they feel the same way. They still wonder when that magical moment of "being a grown-up" will finally click. When they can stop looking for an adult-ier adult to handle the next wave of chaos that life throws their way. 🙃

It reminded me of a recent conversation with Big Bean. He asked me, "What should I be when I grow up?"

What I wanted to say? "Hell, I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up!" 🤣

But what I actually said was this: "That's your choice, and I'll support you in any way you need as you figure it all out."

And that answer felt right, but also got me thinking about my own childhood. I remember being asked about college, career plans, and my future so many times.

I dreamed of being a doctor, a musician, a teacher, a writer.

I took voice lessons, guitar lessons, and even changed my major from pre-med to education.

I held back on some dreams because I was afraid of becoming a washed-out musician who never made it in Nashville.

Looking back now, I realize the path I took was actually ideal for me.

But I want to offer my Beans something a little different. I don't want to put them on a single track or make them feel like they have to choose just one path, especially since both of them are Manifesting Generators — the types who are meant to do many different things in life.

What Human Design and Kabbalah Taught Me About Raising My Beans

This perspective shift didn't happen overnight. Here's what influenced my thinking.

In Human Design, Manifesting Generators are energetic types designed to sample many experiences, master skills quickly, and move on to new challenges.

Human Design taught me that my Beans are wired to explore a range of interests, not walk a single, linear path. In fact, Becca Francis, one of my Human Design teachers, used a metaphor about building a house that perfectly captures this: Manifesting Generators are like the interior designers — they create, refine, and bring the layers of life to light, serving their community in many ways.

For instance, knowing that my Mani Gen Beans are going to try a ton of things, master them, and move on to the next thing to master will really help me celebrate accordingly instead of rolling my eyes when they move on to the next thing.

To support them in accepting that about themselves when others question their commitment or dedication, I talk to them about when I took Explorations in 6th grade so I could try all of the different classes available instead of just choosing one. They can have exploration seasons with their interests so they find the ones that they want to master before moving on to the next. And when people ask them (or me) about their change, we share that they get to test their exploration muscles like Magellan.

And for my peace of mind, I turn to a lesson I learned in Kabbalah. I learned that worrying about my kids actually steals energy from them. Instead of worry, I'm learning to have certainty in the Creator's plan for them, and to take action by both living my design and teaching them to live theirs.

So, instead of asking my Beans, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" — I'm starting to ask different questions:

• What are you curious about right now?

• What makes you lose track of time?

• What lights you up and makes you feel alive?

These questions not only honor our children's unique path but also take pressure off us as parents to 'figure out' their future.

Because I want them to have tools, not just wounds.

I want them to know that their worth isn't tied to a single title, but to the fullness of their design, their energy, and their impact on the world.

And so one day when Baby Bean comes to me and says he wants to be a dancer and police officer, I'll just smile and ask him: "What do you love about each of them?" Because no matter what he answers, I'll be reminded that our passions contain clues to our purpose that transcends traditional career paths.

If this resonates with you, drop me a note. I'd love to hear how you're raising emotionally aware, deeply-curious kids. Or just let me know if you still sometimes feel like you're waiting to "grow up" too. I'm right there with you. ❤️

With love,
Clair

P.S. If you want to dive deeper into this idea of raising kids by design, I'm sharing more insights over on TikTok and Instagram. Would love to see you there!

What's one thing you loved doing as a kid that you lost track of in adulthood? What if it's still part of who you're meant to be?

P.P.S. Reply with your favorite alternative to 'What do you want to be?' I'm collecting these questions for a FREE resource we can all reference for our family chats.

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